Sunday, 1 April 2018

About the Author: Love Through her Eyes

Before I reveal my story, I should introduce myself to you. Who am I, what makes me stand out, what goes on in my heart...
This is a story of an innocent heart waiting hungrily for love.

She was a young child when she met him. He showed her the intensity of a true love...The madness, sheer depth of desires, the craziness, ultimate sacrifice that heart can give to see the smile on the face of loved one... The warmth and love in his eyes spoke volumes...He captivated her heart and she knew she in love... Not just with him but also with the idea of being hopelessly loved by her true lover... This is her journey to find her true love... To give her heart,  soul, mind, everything to her only love. At a tender age, she was ready for a lifetime of commitment and devotion. She is ready to move mountains for her love... To go to the end of the world to protect and fight for her one true love

She knew her love is somewhere. She knew she can't find him while being raised as a devoted daughter, a good student. She has to first stand on her two feet. She studied hard and did what her parents expected her to do. But in midst all these, she never let go of her dream, her only goal... To fall in love and be madly loved by someone...

She is a strange gal though...sensitive to a fault, cries seeing others in pain, always helping in every possible way, she has the softest heart but she is scared to be broken. So temper is her defense mechanism to protect her heart. She is tough as any man would be. She is fiercely protective about the people she cares and can give her life for them.  Strong,  independent gal yet so soft and gentle. Its confusing to even comprehend her nature. Such diversity, such tenacious attitude yet innocent like a baby. She sees goodness in people she meets. She goes out of her way to do what is right. She stands for what she truly believes in and no-one can force her to bend. Only way to reach her is through her heart...

Twist in her life comes when she leaves comforts and safety of her home and travels to her work place. Now she is truly independent in every sense and this was her chance to live her life in her own terms. But fate was cruel to her. Her love humiliated her, cheated her. She broke down to a point of committing suicide but she knew she has to live for her family. Her family is her strength. In her journey, she came across many scrupulous people who wanted to take advantage of her innocence. Probably they achieved it. With every kind of betrayal, her soul died one piece at a time. People were mean, selfish ..nowhere she saw true love, nowhere she saw sacrifice...nowhere she saw anyone making efforts to win a heart, to be devotedly in love with someone...

She lost faith in love and most importantly she lost faith in herself. Fate cruelly taught her that she is Unlovable. That's her greatest fear and reality. She wanted someone to make her his everything but reality is betrayal. She believes her absence makes people happy. Her heart is broken to millions pieces; once wild heart now caged inside the rib cage waiting to die out. She had given up on ever finding her soul mate. She had a believe that if she loved someone deeply, truely with complete commitment, no-one would be cruel enough to hurt her. But people broke her faith. Money is everyone's true love and her ex proved it.

People joke about a woman being gold digger, using guy as atm. Relationship are now more of a contract. A contract filled with terms and conditions. Give and take. She feels lost in this madness of materialistic desires. Only thing she ever wanted was someone to break her defense and  truely see her soul, that gentle warm hug after a long hard day, someone to be sensitive to her...think about her first atleast once before thinking about himself, to go out of his way to show her how special she is to him, to give respect and importance to people or things that matters to her. To stand with her when whole world is against her, To love her, want her desperately without terms, conditions, rules...
May be God cracked a cruel joke on her. God filled her heart with ocean of love to give to someone but forgot to create that special someone for her...

A turning point. Today her heart is hurting. The reason is her heart has started beating for a guy after so many years. She has realized today that she has fallen in love and she knows she will probably hurt herself again but he just sneaked into her life and stole her heart. He has infused life into her dying heart.

His sensitive nature, his funny calmness, his humour, his rare carefree laughs, his thoughtfulness, his maturity and silliness has made a huge impact on her heart...She has fallen in love with him and she loves him so much that it hurts... It hurts not to be able to see him, talk to him, hear him. She misses him badly but she keeps tight lipped. That nagging feeling that she is unlovable is still coursing through her mind. Her greatest fear is being deserted by her love. So she will have to stay silent about her feelings. If she loves him, she will have to wait. She needs to wait for him to hold her hand, to look into her eyes and kiss her for a lifetime...

Well her fear has come true... So its time to bury the dream i had weaved over so many years...

To my dearest true love,
If I have ever did anything good in my life then I pray to Almighty today to give my share of happiness to you!!! You may not make me your Queen of your world but my heart and soul and smiles is Yours... You are not my first love but you are my last. I know you don't see me today but i will always be around ...in your heartbeat, in every morsel of food you eat, everytime you are looking at sea or ocean, everytime you are stuck in the crazy traffic, every scary movie you watch, everytime you eat ice cream. Listen hard, else you will miss the whisper of your name on my lips...